How to give feedback in a kind & inclusive way
What the research says & how to help
“What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Kind," said the boy.
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
There is power in asking for feedback and in a working world where performance reviews and peer feedback are the norm, exchanging feedback is unavoidable. Feedback helps us understand our strengths and weaknesses, gives us gold stars with our superiors and ultimately helps us learn how to become better at our jobs and move up the career ladder.
Asking for feedback is one thing, but mastering the art of giving feedback is a whole other ball game. Particularly if you find yourself in the tricky position of delivering feedback to individuals who are underperforming, suffering from a mental or physical impairment, or those in marginalised groups – you may feel a little anxious. This is a totally natural feeling; you’re aware that raising any issues may make both parties feel uncomfortable, spark insecurities, or worse, lead to you being accused of being prejudiced.
Forbes addresses this problem, noting that “studies show that professionals of color receive less feedback, guidance, and mentoring than their white colleagues, and women get less actionable feedback than men.”
It seems that instead of addressing the elephant in the room, leaders are actively avoiding giving feedback to certain individuals which is just as damaging.
So, what can you do as a leader?
First things first, don’t avoid the subject. As an employer, you have a duty of care to support your employees’ progression, protect them from bias, and ensure they feel like equally treated, valued members of the team.
You can’t shy away from difficult conversations for fear of saying the wrong thing. Instead, do your research and make sure your feedback is given in a kind and inclusive manner.
How to give feedback in a kind & inclusive way
Be specific: Remember, constructive feedback is always specific. Before sharing your feedback, make sure it is objective, unbiased, and relates directly to an outcome that will help an individual improve in their job. That’s the ultimate goal.
Listen closely: Being kind is all about hearing the other person. A feedback session should be a two-way street, so don’t just talk at somebody. Make sure you are pausing to hear your employee’s reactions and allow them to share their thoughts and feelings.
Adopt a growth mindset: This means positioning your feedback in a healthy way, that’s “intended to promote learning and understanding, rather than blaming or being right.”
Take the personal opinions out of it: Never speak from your own gut feeling when it comes to offering feedback. Watch out for phrases like “it seems to me that you…”, or “I don’t think you’re doing this in the right way…”. These all have loaded connotations.
Level the playing field: Review your communication policies to make sure they relate to your corproate values and inclusion initiatives. Ensure that everyone in your team is receiving equal treatment and have the same opportunities to give and receive constructive criticism. If a particular line manager and direct report aren’t connecting, consider switching up reporting lines.
Approaching tricky conversations is never easy, but it’s down to inclusive leaders to pave the way and showcase a healthy dialogue with all team members.
As Forbes says, “engage with curiosity and humility. And when you stumble or don’t get it right (which will happen), stick with it. You can both learn from having the conversation.”
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